im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
