mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
