I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
