The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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