Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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