She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
