I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
