To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
