i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
