Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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