Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
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