you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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