So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
