I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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