I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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