His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
