White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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