Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
