big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
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