I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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