so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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