She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
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