you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
