my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
