My friends, they love my intelligence
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
