I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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