That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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