I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
