if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
His hands were made for my vagina.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
