this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
