and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
