the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
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