You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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