It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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