Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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