How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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