When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
