Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
