I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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