I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
