yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Bring me that man meat
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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