Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
