I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
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