I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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