I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
