Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
