I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
