Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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