thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
