I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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